Neutral
by IvoryMoonlight
Summary: /But I'm surprised you've lasted this long, Eyepatch-kun. You look like death but you're still alive. I'll give you that./ Lavi-centered/ PLEASE READ & REVIEW.


**So, just so you know, this didn't come out the way I had hoped it would have. I kinda hate it but I wanted to share it with you so to hear your opinion. This is my second D Gray Man fanfic (you can say it's the first since the previous one was just pure boredom xD) so constructive criticism or just a word whether you liked it or on what should be fixed would be greatly appreciated :)**_  
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**Thank you so much for reading it, if you do ^^**

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_Do you consider yourself an Apostle of God…Bookman Jr.?_

The young man attempted to lift his fuzzy head, even just a little, as Sheryl's taunting voice kept on repeating the same question incessantly in his mind, like a gramophone's broken record stuck on the same tune. Naturally, the pain was so unbearable that his head instantly dropped lower than it was before, while his chest rising unevenly every now and then was the only vital sign you could get from him.

_My Road told me all about it. But she made me keep it a secret… Such a sweet, nice girl she is!_

The redhead would have cracked a smirk at the irony of the situation, if the pain and numbness hadn't completely taken control over his mind and body. Oh, yes, the eldest of Noah was indeed sweeter than sugar when she had entered his mind and played with his memories.

But he cared not about that. He had no reason or wish to remember unnecessary things. Not in this condition.

All five senses had been practically blocked. His vision kept on blurring, he could barely focus his gaze on the tip of his muddy boats. Yet he could perfectly make out the droplets of dark blood dried on the dark leather. Probably his own or maybe even the Akuma's he had exorcised during his last time on the battlefield.

But it wasn't just his vision. Every time he painfully swallowed, the sour, metallic taste of blood would roll on his tongue. At first it disgusted him but after a day or two he had gotten used to it. Even the vinegar bloody smell would tingle his nostrils.

How utterly pathetic.

He felt like one of those miserable humans who had turned into war victims. No, actually he was just like them himself. Oh, the irony. And he had considered himself better than all those fools. He had turned into what he had been scornful of.

A whirring noise was the only thing he could hear except for his hollow, sharp breathing, an aftermath of Sheryl's outburst of rage after being informed on Road's disappearance. At that very moment, Lavi had made a mental note that this was all the more reason for him never to emotionally bond with anybody and become a father. It was once again a surprise, however, how much the Noahs seemed to treasure their family.

_You know…the fact that you've lost focus on what your true purpose is. It was an interesting story, to be sure…!_

You could say that the lack of sensation on his own body had been an everyday state he couldn't get out of, from the very first day the Noahs started questioning the old man. The tightness of his bonds was enough to make his limps similar to the ones of a corpse.

What a repulsive sight he should be.

Lenalee would have cried her eyes out, should she ever see him, while Allen would heroically throw himself in battle to help his friend. Probably Kanda would have made a biting comment as to his stupidity getting him in that situation, but the samurai would have immediately unsheathed Mugen. He wouldn't hear the end of it, later on, of course.

_The old man doesn't know, does he? He looks smart enough, though. He's getting suspicious, isn't he?_

To be honest, the old panda wasn't the problem anymore. And as much as he hated to admit it, neither were the Noah Family. Well, they were definitely a pain in the ass, especially now that his weakness had been brought to light. More like stupidity and carelessness, than weakness actually.

Since _he_ was the source of the problem.

It had been himself who had let his mistake get revealed, who had made the mistake in the first place. Even at such a crucial moment, his thoughts kept on bringing up the faces of people in the Order, his comrades.

"_You're a little different, Lavi. Now you actually meet my eyes when we talk."_

Lavi couldn't help this time the automatic chuckle that escaped his lips, triggered by a quite vivid remembrance of an old friend but it instantaneously turned into a spasmodic coughing fit as he choked on his bloody saliva. That Doug, what an insightful guy indeed. With just a look in his uncovered eye, he could tell the difference. The Finder could easily compete with Lenalee in sentimentality; he could probably even beat her. Too bad he had to die…

Yet, the old man found this change in his eye distasteful and unwanted. The light in his eyes used to shine more brightly, he had said. He was probably right. This war he had been made to take part into had corrupted his mentality, the one of the future Bookman. The things he had witnessed before joining the Order had become part of his life. He wasn't strong enough, like the old man was. The grief and sorrow had managed to slip into his heart and stain it. Now even the mere thought of someone, that he wasn't supposed to categorise as 'friend', dying, angered and anguished him.

_I may be a little glad you, of the Bookman bloodline, decided to change sides on this war. You are quite the failure of a Bookman…Eyepatch-kun!_

"Lavi?" He flinched, startled. His only response to his old mentor's questioning voice was a slight nod. He heard the old man snorting. "Idiotic pupil. Grinning even at that state… you must really be stupid."

That's right. He was an idiot and quite the failure as a Bookman. It had been his own self who had made him see, who hadn't been hesitant to say it out loud. Thanks to Road Kamelot and her dream world. And he had realized that Lavi, the 49th, had irrevocably changed him. He hadn't even tried to do anything about it. He had merely ignored it.

Junior had turned into Lavi, his 49th alias. He wasn't who he used to be before that.

That's why he had failed the clan of Bookman and the old panda himself.

"Can you hold on a bit more?"

Lavi tried to glance at him but the old man was facing his eyepatch instead of his uncovered eye and it was almost impossible for him to move. Even the slightest of movement had jolts of searing pain running all over his body. Well, it didn't really matter. He could tell the Bookman wasn't looking at him. Even though he would never admit it even to himself, the old man was pained by the sight of his tortured apprentice. Despite the fact that the redhead usually was a splint in his eye.

Lavi forced another grin on his face. "Thinking of giving in…ya old panda?" The dryness of his throat almost had his brow twitch in annoyance. Well, he was a captive but the Noahs could at least provide them a few drops of water. "Damn…the Noah roomservice…sucks."

Silence reigned over before being shattered by Bookman's scoff. "Idiot." The fact that his mentor's voice hadn't the usual fed-up ring to it, made Lavi smirk inwardly.

_But I'm surprised you've lasted this long, Eyepatch-kun. You look like death but you're still alive. I'll give you that._

Damn Noah bastard…

Even he didn't know how he was still breathing. Not that he had given up, but he was the weakest he had ever been. It's a probability he was still alive thanks to the old man being a tough nut. Had he given the Noahs the information they needed, they might as well have gotten rid of him.

"Don't worry…gramps. I'll be…fine…just don't…" Another coughing fit cut him short and he grunted. It made his insides twist and turn restlessly to the point of wishing he'd vomit them.

_Are you feeling sick, Lavi-kun? I'm so sorry! I don't know what to do! I have never been sick before! I'm so sorry!_

He wished he could slap himself at the remembrance of a frantic Miranda wishing to take care of him but not knowing how. She had brought the place upside down wanting to be of use but instead she had ended up making a huge mess. He couldn't deny it anymore; he missed them. All those crazy, weird and noisy people he had come to care about. Whoever had said that the heart can never be neutral was wiser than they had thought they were.

"I won't."

Lavi's chuckle came out as a snort. Of course, the Bookman would never be broken with something like this. His hearing would fail him when his apprentice's shrieks of pain would fill the empty room. The sadistic sneers and grins of the Noahs while torturing the young man would leave him unaffected. It would be as if he couldn't listen to their threats. They wouldn't get a word out of his lips.

Could Lavi really bear to be the martyr every time the Noahs wouldn't get their answers?

"Is that so, old man?"

A taunting voice echoed in the room from behind them. They both instinctively tensed and flinched in their shackled seats as they heard footsteps drawing nearer and nearer. After three months in captivity, the apprentice's heart had stopped skipping in anxiety, each time the Noah would return.

The Bookman replied by sealing his lips silently, not so much as even glimpsing at the tanned man who was now standing proudly before them.

"Do you like my new haircut, Eyepatch-kun?"

Lavi raised painfully his gaze and after glancing at the questioning man, he forced a sarcastic smirk. "Tyki Mikk. Not any different before…you turned into that beast…in the Arc."

"Hmm." The Noah of pleasure snickered. "I'll take that as a compliment. It is such a pity indeed the young man didn't get to see my new look just now."

He heard the Bookman shifting in his seat while he visibly tensed himself, despite the numbness of his muscles. What did he mean by that? What had happened to Allen? Well, knowing him, he should have acted all stupid and gallant to protect his friends and the Order. "Oh, yes, it's Allen Walker I'm talking about, Master Bookman. And talking about the boy, isn't it about time you've told us what we need to know about the 14th?"

Silence.

Tyki Mikk approached the redhead and knelt before him so he could gaze in his lifeless eye. "Sheryl is on his way here and I'm sure he still hasn't found Road. That crazy girl… You could say she is somewhat like you. She let herself fall for an Exorcist. So do you really wish to put up with Sheryl's wrath?"

Lavi merely grimaced in repulsion and stubbornness. Even the simple of thought of being compared to a Noah made his gut twist in disgust. He had decided. He had a duty to fulfill both as an Exorcist and as the future Bookman. He would live to record the cruelty of the Noah as well as their defeat and to show the valiancy of those people who defeated them. And given the chance, he would help them do so.

"Tyki Mikk. Just so you know…"

"Hmm?"

"Your haircut sucks."

The man snickered pleased and stood up. "Yo, Sheryl. This one's ready for you!"

_Bring it on. _Neither his heart nor mind had been broken just yet.

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**I know, kinda suckish, right? Please gimme love a.k.a. reviews :P do it for poor Lavi! **


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